Just a few random thoughts about N

I never knew that I could experience so much joy and happiness and so much discouragement and anguish all at the same time until I gave birth to my little N. Having a disabled child is the best and the worst thing that has happened to me. There are so many restrictions, dashed dreams and hopes but at the same time so many unexpected blessings and tender mercies from the Lord that have come into my life because of N. I may never hear a "thank you, mama" or an "I love you, mama" come out of his mouth, but I know that one day I'll know the real N. The N that is trapped inside a body that doesn't work well, the N that came to earth knowing his situation wouldn't be ideal, the N that has a lot to say. Then he and I will have a real conversation and we'll talk about this whole experience and I'll probably be the one thanking him for his sacrifice so that I could learn the lessons I needed to learn and so that I could become a better person. What a roller coaster of emotions this life is. I just pray I can hang on and enjoy the ride!!